I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
