I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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