TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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