i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
