I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
