He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
