Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
