I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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