I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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