a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
