How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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