She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
