Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
