Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
