We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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