just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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