did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
