Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
