His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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