So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
