@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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