On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
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It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
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The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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