Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
