Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
