i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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