Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
