just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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