i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize