The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
