I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
