And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
