ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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