how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
