I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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