Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
