wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
