he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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