what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
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she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
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My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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