Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
