just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize