She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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