# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
