What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
