so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
