her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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