I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
