Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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