Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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