My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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