My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just want nice things and good sex
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
