i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
