he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
