i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
