Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
