she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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