This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize