weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
