Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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