Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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