If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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