I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
