I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
