Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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